Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
