Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
