I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
