i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
