woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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