we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
