Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I CAN MOONWALK!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
