Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
