you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
