do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
