I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
