We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We got so high we made milksteak
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
