ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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