the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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