if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
