Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish you could order shots online.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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