thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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