I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
