well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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