what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
