Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
