Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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