I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
