omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
