dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
