i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
