Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
