sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
