i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
