Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
