Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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