Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
