it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
