Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
