I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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