I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
