it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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