I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
