actually, I'm a sock model
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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