So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I understand Curling. That high.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
