Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
