we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
