a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
