oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
