Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
