Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
