you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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