Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
