it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
