I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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