New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
