Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
