thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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