I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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